In search of the "perfect latch" ... and other breastfeeding myths

Women -- have no fear of breastfeeding. I was once very fearful to breastfeed. After successfully breastfeeding my two first children, I was sure it would be impossible to breastfeed, deal with a teenager, a toddler, and an endless to do list.

At the last minute, my mother had to cancel her trip to come help me with the house and kids. Immediately, I started wondering how I would manage so many chores. Somehow I did it. The baby I was so afraid of not being able to breastfeed is going to college in a few weeks. Almost two decades have passed, and I have watched many generations of moms give birth and nurse their babies.

In celebration of World Breastfeeding Week, I want all new moms to know that they don’t need to fear breastfeeding. The fear of childbirth has somehow spilled over to become a fear of not being able to breastfeed. In my practice as a Lactation Counselor, I observe that the biggest worry of today’s Moms is not being able to achieve the “perfect latch” — and that, without it, they will fail at breastfeeding.

Do you know that the perfect latch is a new concept? Or that, despite not achieving the “perfect” latch, babies can still nurse with no problem? Most women around the world do not worry about the perfect latch the way new moms do in the US. Despite what you may have seen and read online, your baby’s less than perfect latch can be just right for breastfeeding success.  

I am not saying that, in some situations, the latch might not be the solution. Fixing the latch can work like a charm. What concerns me is the number of pregnant women afraid of breastfeeding nowadays, even though they are just as ready and able to breastfeed as Moms elsewhere and in other times. 

Moms today tell me that giving birth does not scare them as much breastfeeding does. “I want to learn everything about breastfeeding,” they say anxiously. “All my friends had a real hard time. They suffered for weeks, up to the day they could no longer bear the pain.” 

Yes, breastfeeding can be difficult. The pain, unbearable. The solution most of the time is reaching a place within that nobody has helped the new Mom locate.. 

There is a secret to successfully breastfeeding that many don’t want you to know: Breastfeeding is not a mechanical process. It follows a sparkling that starts shining during pregnancy. Don’t lose track of that spark. My job is and always will be help women find it, get back to it, and guide them to shine it towards their babies on their own.

A good breastfeeding experience starts before your baby has arrived. Learning how to navigate the hospital routine is essential, so that well-meaning doctors and nurses do not unintentionally sabotage breastfeeding. Having a birth experience you desire, being prepared for postpartum, and lining up assistance on managing the first weeks home with baby — all are crucial. 

In the photo above, you can see a few-days-old baby, over birth weight, sleeping very well with his happy mommy. She is confident that the way she nurses is perfect for both of them. No breast engorgement, no cracked nipples. This mom found and kept her sparkling.

As we honor Moms and babies everywhere, and the art of breastfeeding, know that you can trust in your own instincts, your own natural ability. There can be nothing more perfect.

Angela's breastfeeding snack guide

Illustrations by Mariah Smith

Beyond checklists: The beautiful vulnerability of breastfeeding

When women think about breastfeeding, they think of breastfeeding exclusively, always directly from the breast. But modern women, who have so many things to do, are being flexible about what is ideal and what works for them. This way, they can breastfeed more successfully and for a longer period of time.

But to achieve this balance and find success, women need to confront the challenges of breastfeeding -- a process that is so different from the intellectual, largely predictable tasks they usually handle at work or home.

Breastfeeding is all about allowing yourself to be vulnerable. You are taking a chance on failing, at something that is well known to be so important for you and your baby. It may even be viewed — quite unfarily — as a measure of your success as a mom. Many cannot wait for you to join the club of those who tried and fell short.

You are also taking a chance on something that does not depend only on you. With breastfeeding, you are relying on a host of unknowns — especially your baby. What is your baby’s personality? What about baby’s health and facial anatomy? How big is baby’s mouth? Is it well aligned to Mother’s nipple? Does baby have strong facial muscles, including the tongue?

We are living at such a high anxiety level as a society that it is very hard to just let go. In most things they do, women today can make a plan. To tell a mother that it may require two or three different strategies and a number of weeks to adjust breastfeeding may simply be too much. She may have heard from a friend who breastfed easily the first time and never looked back. But that is not everyone’s experience -- not by a long shot. We hear the phrase that women “gave up” on breastfeeding -- as if stopping was a simple, self-centered decision. For most women, this assessment could not be further from the truth.

The other very common scenario is the “just one bottle” offered to baby as a relief to mom’s sleepless nights. For many babies, that bottle is enough to make the next breastfeeding a disaster; baby simply will not take the breast, leading mom to more stress instead of the intended break. Some babies can switch back and forth easily, but others will have trouble latching on the breast after a single bottle. If switching off is essential to your schedule and needs, you may have to accept that, once again, your plans need to change -- feeding from a cup, syringe or tube might be the only way to preserve breastfeeding for the next few weeks.

When breastfeeding, you are also exposing a part of your body that most women only show in intimate settings. We grew up covering our breasts; now, all of a sudden, we are pulling them out in different places -- sometimes at the risk of angry stares and insensitive comments. Even when you are getting breastfeeding guidance from a pro, you may feel self-conscious. You are making yourself vunerable.

And sometimes, adjusting breastfeeding has little relation to the feeding process itself. It may have to do with a woman’s feelings about being a mother. What was her own birth experience? And her baby’s? Is she being supported or essentially going it alone? Understanding these facts will make a positive impact on your ability to get where you want with breastfeeding. It also might be a big relief, allowing you to let go of unrealistic expectations that just create anxiety and frustration. If breastfeeding was only about mechanics and milk flow, things would be much, much simpler.

The good news is that, even though breastfeeding can be hard, there is almost always a solution. I have found that it is very rare that breastfeeding is simply not possible. It just takes time, patience, and determination. But the benefits -- physical, emotional, and spiritual -- can be truly life changing, and well worth the risk.

Be vunerable and ask for help. Chances are you are much stronger than you think.

— Angela Lessa